The Bible and Beards, Pigs and Presidents

Presidential wannabe Rick Santorum declared last week that President Obama’s ideas are not based on the Bible. Let’s assume that Mr. Santorum is elected president and goes about establishing a government based on the Bible.

First of all, beginning on Inauguration Day, the new President Santorum will stop shaving. And I guess he will force all men to stop shaving as well. (It’s in the Bible.) Will the FBI enforce beard lengths or will that be left up to the states?

And I feel sorry for the person that Mr. Santorum appoints to be Secretary of Agriculture. The USDA is likely to have a tough time with the National Pork Producers Association after the new administration bans pork chops, bacon, and sausage. (No pork. It’s in the Bible.) Wonder how that will affect business at the IHOP?

And that sheriff out in Arizona, the Republican who supported Romney, then announced he was gay and said he was having an affair with an immigrant whose visa was expired? Tough call there. After all, the Bible says over and over that you should love the stranger in your land and treat him well. (Leviticus 19:34 and other places). The sheriff certainly loved—or really, really liked -- at least one stranger. But I guess President Santorum may have to kill the sheriff anyway. That’s in the Bible, too. (Leviticus 20:13. Ouch!)

Yes, it will be tough for Mr. Santorum to put into place a government based on the Bible. But there’s good news as well.

We won’t go to war since the Bible says, “Do not kill,” “Love your enemies,” and “Turn the other cheek.” (Yep, they’re all there. Pretty clear.)

And even though Mr. Santorum wants to shrink federal government, I’m sure his new Bible-based rule will allow for a new Department of Forgiveness. After all, that’s a big part of biblical theology. (Who do you think he will appoint to be Assistant Secretary for the Confession of Sins? Newt Gingrich? Bill Clinton? A lot of us could go to work in that bureau.)

One final hope: Maybe this new Bible-based government will help the economy. After all, I’m guessing that millionaires like Mr. Santorum and Mr. Obama and gazillionaires like Mr. Romney will “sell all that they have and give the money to the poor.” (It’s in the Bible.)

Prop 8 Goes to Church

In 2008, voters in California passed Proposition 8, stating that in California, marriage is only between a man and a woman. The controversial issue went to court lickety-split, with all kinds of questions and complaints.

On Tuesday of this week, a federal court ruled that Prop 8 is unconstitutional.

On Wednesday of this week, I got an email from one of the Sunday School teachers at our church. Here's the story she told me:

In the younger elementary class, kids were drawing. One boy asked a Kindergarten girl about her pictures. She was making them for her girlfriends and boyfriends, she said.

Full of second grade wisdom, the boy replied, "So, two men can get married, and it's no big deal."

The Sunday School teacher told me that, at that point, she readied herself, thinking her grown-up input and explanation would be needed.

But the young girl simply replied, "Yeah, but sometimes they have trouble having babies, so they have to adopt."

In her email to me, the Sunday School teacher said, "End of conversation, no big deal."

She concluded, "I just wanted to let you know that even the youngest among us are actively practicing the teachings of our church. I am so pleased that I will be raising my daughter in an environment that is so accepting of all God's people."

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The word out of California is that supporters of Prop 8 plan to appeal the recent court ruling. This case may make its way all the way up the marble steps of the Supreme Court. I wonder if an elementary Sunday School class can file an amicus curiae brief?