Quit preaching crap. Start preaching real shit. (Part 2 of Five Modest Proposals for Post-Covid Churches)

This is proposal number 2 for how churches may change after the Coronavirus pandemic.

Quit preaching crap. Start preaching real shit.

In Modest Proposal #1, I suggested, “Quit preaching. Start praying.” I don’t really expect that to happen. Preachers will keep preaching. If that’s the case, here’s the second proposal: Quit preaching crap and start preaching real shit.

Yeah, yeah, “language.” I know I said shit.

Here’s what I mean by crap and shit. During this pandemic stay-home time, I’ve listened to a few other preachers around the country. I’ve heard some very fine sermons. And I’ve heard some crappy sermons.

The crappy one seems to fall into two camps. The first are the unimaginative, “Things are bad. The virus is awful. I know you’re sad. I’m sad too.” Those points are legit. Just unimaginative. We all know that. And adding, “But I have hope and we will make it through,” to the end doesn’t redeem the crap.  Sermons stuck in the present sadness are boring crap.

A second camp of crappy sermons are the ones that plunge ahead as if the Coronavirus wasn’t happening. Trips down the Emaus Road, walking through doors with doubting Thomas, and other biblical and theological ponderings with no nod toward real life. Sermons that avoid life are nonsensical crap.

Both kinds of crappy sermons fall short.

What the world needs are sermons that deal with real shit—insecurities, pain, loss, ideas for re-imagining the world, grace for how we’ve fallen short, vulnerability, and vision.

According the prophet Malachi, God had a harsh word for some of the priests: “I will reject your children and spread shit on your face, the shot you bring to worship. I will send you away from me.”*

That's what Malachi says God said, “I will wipe shit on your face.”

The Hebrew word for shit is peresh. It’s only used six times in the Bible. We mostly translate it dung in English, and that’s fine. But it really means shit.

God is pissed at the Hebrew priests because they’re being silly in the face of catastrophe, so She says She’s gonna wipe shit on their faces.

Here’s why I’m using the word shit. First, to get your attention. Second because that’s what the Hebrew word peresh meant. Third, because that’s how the Hebrew words peresh was used—the Hebrews were in a mess fighting over their future. It was no time for niceties. Shit was getting real.

That’s how life is now. Churches don’t need to spend time dilly-dallying over what kind of bread to use for communion and who can hold whatever bread we decide on. We need to worry about how to feed starving people. Preachers don’t need to diddle with how Jesus walked through a door to say hey to Thomas. We need to help folks be brave enough to reach out in love to their own neighbors who are trapped in fear.

So, preachers, quit preaching crap. Start preaching real shit.

*If you want to read a bit more about shit in the Bible, about the prophet Malachi, or about a theology of swearing, go to this website, A Game for Good Christians, which include this stellar passage:

"In the midst of this we find Malachi's words, wherein God says that He is sick of the two-faced worship and hypocrisy from the spiritual leaders. That He will reach into the sacrificial animal, remove its lower intestine, sigmoid colon, rectum, and anus, to drain them of feculence. Upon which The Almighty Himself will take said excreta into His divine hands— not trusting this ordure duty to an angel— (heh heh, duty), and then smear the egesta, the guano, the discharge, the excrement, the flux onto the astonished priestly faces."